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Pandas were invented by the Chinese in the s as a way of marketing food in America. Their adorable appearance and can-do attitude made the world love them, and the fact that, for bears, they seem like they'd never disembowel you is a real selling point.

God, just look at 'em! How to fit pandas into porn is certainly a daunting question. Bestiality being one of the few kinds of porn even Cracked writers tend to wrinkle their noses at, it's not a big winner with most audiences.

So if you really want to make panda porn, and I assure you that someone did, then you take the next logical step -- a story about a crazy girl who sees people in panda costumes everywhere getting gangbanged in a delusional bamboo forest.

It starts as an aggressive gang rape scenario with pandas that quickly degenerates into the crazy girl in question being a willing participant, because panda rape is a turn-off, but rough panda sex is pretty OK.

Highlights of the film include multiple penetrations and sad shots of background pandas just masturbating in a lonely fashion while they wait their turn and struggle to breathe in their giant panda heads.

Also, when it's all done, everyone curls up for a nap on the floor, except for one super creepy panda who just crouches and watches, his human hands hanging limp and suggesting that either they didn't get the gloves with his costume or this panda doesn't care enough about his craft to stay in character after the film's climax.

Jurassic Park was the highest-grossing film of all time at the time of its release in and is now the 24th-highest-grossing film of all time.

At no point in the film, the book it was based on, or any of its sequels does a lady have sex with three pterodactyls. You can look it up. The pterodactyl porn is something of a porn video legend.

I can find uploads from as far back as on the Internet and people in forums saying they'd seen it years earlier. How old is pterodactyl porn?

Maybe no one knows. Maybe it's so old that those are real pterodactyls, we don't know. I mean, we know, because it's three guys in awful costumes, but shut up.

The relative age of the pterodactyl porn is startling. As you know, every year on the Internet is like 10 years in real life.

Things rot and fester and become more despicable at least 10 times faster, so the fact that this thing has persevered is stunning, as is the fact that it was created way back when.

We all like to think that when the Internet started it was nothing but recipes for bran muffins and gifs of kittens, but alas, that's not true at all.

Claymation is the world's least loved form of animation. No one really likes it -- we just put up with it because we understand that we could never do something like that ourselves.

It must be daunting as hell to make those raisins dance and sing, not to mention all the effort going into smoothing the fingerprints out of Gromit's face.

But at the end of the day, everything looks a bit like the nightmares of a cartoon sex offender. And that's a pretty decent segue into this video.

This particular art is entitled seximation. No, I'm not the one who mistyped "tunnel. I couldn't tell who was who at first, but I guess the one with hair is Tammy.

Fred is bald, and may also be Eric Bana's character from Star Trek. The action is intensely shaky and also made of clay, meaning it's terrible in every way.

It's sexy in the way that being kicked in the stomach after a big meal is sexy. Remember that guy in the movie Se7en? I typed it with a number in it because I'm picking up what David Fincher was putting down.

I'm totally hep. If I had to guess, I'd say that probably only stop motion animation would be more off-putting in a pornographic setting, because when I think of stop motion, I tend to imagine Japanese horror movies and old Harryhausen flicks, neither of which I have been able to really appropriately fap to.

However, watching Claymation anal is really up there on the list of things that don't cause much groin jitterbugging.

If you were creating a list of sexy spokescritters, who would top that list? Certainly the Michelin Man, with all his sexy, soft curves.

Maybe the Pillsbury Doughboy, if you're into that sort of thing. But where would Mr. Peanut fall? Peanut, a melding of Mr.

Burns and the Monopoly Guy, plus a healthy dose of allergens. Is Mr. Peanut sexy? Hell no. Is this Mr. Peanut porn shoot photo real?

Is it a staged piece of art to make us all feel bad that we have seen such a thing and wondered if there were any jokes on set about being salted?

I don't have the answers to these questions. All I have is what appears to be Mr. Peanut on the happy end of mouth lovin'.

But it does stand as a testament to the breadth and scope of Rule Cartoons, insects, wild beasts? These things are amateur hour.

Someone out there is delving into anthropomorphic legumes. That shit is tight. I searched high and low for a video clip to come along with this one still image, but I was unsuccessful.

Of course my hands were cramped by this point and typing was an issue, plus my computer kept correcting me to Mr. Penis, which will find you all kinds of pics and videos, but very few that I actually saved to my hard drive.

I hope there's a legitimate, full-length Mr. Peanut porn out there somewhere, and that during the movie, he speaks with a hoity-toity New England accent and exclaims loudly about how he has so many dry-roasted bitches up on his nuts.

And after the movie, there's a secret scene in which Mr. Mostly because I want to hear Gilbert Gottfried or the guy who impersonates him in the throes of passion.

Don't you judge me. What's the most erotic thing you can think of? Is it humping in the dairy aisle? Is it Adam Tod Brown in a bathtub full of gravy?

Is it a terrifying, alopecia-suffering spider woman with multiple eyes and legs? Is it that? If it's that, you're in luck.

If it's one of the first two, maybe I can help you out there, too, send me an email later. For you arachnophiles, someone did make spider porn, and it's so much worse than the name suggests.

Like maybe you just read the segment on panda porn and saw the pictures and thought, "Well, I feel bad inside, but it's not like I want to use steel wool on my brain and genitals.

As you can see, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you. They depicted fellatio in their ceramics.

In some cultures, such as Cambodia , Chinese in Southeast Asia , northern Manchu tribes along Amur River , [49] Sambians in Papua New Guinea , Thailand , Telugus of India , Hawaii and other Pacific Islanders , briefly taking the penis of a male infant or toddler into one's mouth was considered a nonsexual form of affection or even a form of ritual , greeting , respect , parenting love, or lifesaving.

Flying foxes have been observed engaging in oral sex. Pairs spend more time copulating if the female licks the male than if she does not.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. For other uses, see Fellatio disambiguation. For other uses, see Blow Job disambiguation. Oral sex on the penis by a sexual partner.

See also: Paternal tolerance. See also: Islamic views on oral sex. This section needs expansion. You can help by adding to it.

July Play media. Human sexuality portal. Archived from the original on BBC Advice. Carroll Sexuality Now: Embracing Diversity.

Cengage Learning. Retrieved August 29, Lloyd, Dana S. Dunn, Elizabeth Yost Hammer Psychology Applied to Modern Life: Adjustment in the 21st century.

Retrieved February 26, Comprehensive Textbook of Sexual Medicine. Jaypee Brothers Publishers. Retrieved September 12, Our Sexuality.

Fellatio fuh-LAY-shee-oh is oral stimulation of the penis and scrotum. Sex Slang. Psychology Press. NHS Choices. Breaking the chain of transmission" PDF.

World Health Organization. Retrieved November 26, An Invitation to Health Brief LaRosa New Dimensions in Women's Health. Laura M.

Carpenter NYU Press. Retrieved October 9, Cohen Retrieved October 8, Most people agree that we maintain virginity as long as we refrain from sexual vaginal intercourse.

But occasionally we hear people speak of 'technical virginity' [ Brady; Bonnie L. Halpern-Felsher Like a Virgin.

The Advocate. Here Publishing. Retrieved Savage Love , page Plume Grandma's Sex Handbook. Intimate Press, USA. Retrieved January 7, The situation contained in the phantasy, that a vulture opened the mouth of the child and forcefully belabored it with its tail, corresponds to the idea of fellatio, a sexual act in which the member is placed into the mouth of the woman.

UW-Madison Medical school. Archived from the original on March 6, Princeton University. Retrieved December 6, Pratt CRC Press. Retrieved August 21, Sex and Society, Volume 1.

Marshall Cavendish Corporation. June Archived from the original PDF on May 10, Retrieved August 30, BBC News.

Journal of Reproductive Immunology. Retrieved August 24, The social construction of 'sex' as vaginal intercourse affects how other forms of sexual activity are evaluated as sexually satisfying or arousing; in some cases whether an activity is seen as a sexual act at all.

For example, unless a woman has been penetrated by a man's penis she is still technically a virgin even if she has had lots of sexual experience.

USA Today. The Star. March 1, Archived from the original on June 22, Retrieved December 9, On Holding the Lingam in the Mouth by Kamashastra".

The Badger Herald. Translated by Gao, Bingzhong. Shanghai: Commercial Press. Introduction to Maternity and Pediatric Nursing. Elsevier Health Sciences.

Social Organization of the Manchus: a study of the Manchu clan organization.

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No one really likes it -- we just put up with it because we understand that we could never do something like that ourselves.

It must be daunting as hell to make those raisins dance and sing, not to mention all the effort going into smoothing the fingerprints out of Gromit's face.

But at the end of the day, everything looks a bit like the nightmares of a cartoon sex offender. And that's a pretty decent segue into this video.

This particular art is entitled seximation. No, I'm not the one who mistyped "tunnel. I couldn't tell who was who at first, but I guess the one with hair is Tammy.

Fred is bald, and may also be Eric Bana's character from Star Trek. The action is intensely shaky and also made of clay, meaning it's terrible in every way.

It's sexy in the way that being kicked in the stomach after a big meal is sexy. Remember that guy in the movie Se7en? I typed it with a number in it because I'm picking up what David Fincher was putting down.

I'm totally hep. If I had to guess, I'd say that probably only stop motion animation would be more off-putting in a pornographic setting, because when I think of stop motion, I tend to imagine Japanese horror movies and old Harryhausen flicks, neither of which I have been able to really appropriately fap to.

However, watching Claymation anal is really up there on the list of things that don't cause much groin jitterbugging.

If you were creating a list of sexy spokescritters, who would top that list? Certainly the Michelin Man, with all his sexy, soft curves.

Maybe the Pillsbury Doughboy, if you're into that sort of thing. But where would Mr. Peanut fall? Peanut, a melding of Mr.

Burns and the Monopoly Guy, plus a healthy dose of allergens. Is Mr. Peanut sexy? Hell no. Is this Mr. Peanut porn shoot photo real?

Is it a staged piece of art to make us all feel bad that we have seen such a thing and wondered if there were any jokes on set about being salted?

I don't have the answers to these questions. All I have is what appears to be Mr. Peanut on the happy end of mouth lovin'.

But it does stand as a testament to the breadth and scope of Rule Cartoons, insects, wild beasts? These things are amateur hour. Someone out there is delving into anthropomorphic legumes.

That shit is tight. I searched high and low for a video clip to come along with this one still image, but I was unsuccessful.

Of course my hands were cramped by this point and typing was an issue, plus my computer kept correcting me to Mr. Penis, which will find you all kinds of pics and videos, but very few that I actually saved to my hard drive.

I hope there's a legitimate, full-length Mr. Peanut porn out there somewhere, and that during the movie, he speaks with a hoity-toity New England accent and exclaims loudly about how he has so many dry-roasted bitches up on his nuts.

And after the movie, there's a secret scene in which Mr. Mostly because I want to hear Gilbert Gottfried or the guy who impersonates him in the throes of passion.

Don't you judge me. What's the most erotic thing you can think of? Is it humping in the dairy aisle? Is it Adam Tod Brown in a bathtub full of gravy?

Is it a terrifying, alopecia-suffering spider woman with multiple eyes and legs? Is it that? If it's that, you're in luck.

If it's one of the first two, maybe I can help you out there, too, send me an email later. For you arachnophiles, someone did make spider porn, and it's so much worse than the name suggests.

Like maybe you just read the segment on panda porn and saw the pictures and thought, "Well, I feel bad inside, but it's not like I want to use steel wool on my brain and genitals.

As you can see, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you. I'm sorry. Even a sweet pair of perky Sorens can't compensate for that mug.

If your penis responds to this with anything other than a high-pitched shriek, like the sound from a boiling kettle, as it bids a full-on retreat into your abdomen, then you are dirty in the soul.

Your spiritual self is made of the latent energy expelled when dinosaurs shat themselves to death eons ago. The story in this cinematic gem is that our protagonist -- let's call him Russell -- is a foul-mouthed gentleman looking through boxes in an attic.

He's dropping F-bombs and hates his job, near as I can figure. And he's being spied on by an awful, naked spider lady.

Spider lady creeps out and Russell runs in a panic, as anyone should, because fuck that. But when I say fuck that, I don't mean like "fuck" that.

I just mean eew. He runs downstairs and there's a locked gate of some kind, and -- this isn't relevant, but I need you to know this -- there's a bulldog sitting on the other side of the gate staring at him.

I like to think that someone brought it to the set that day because they like hanging out with their dog and thought the dog might enjoy watching a spider porn shoot.

Later they went out for burgers. One minute into the video and the spider lady is on Russell. He's screaming, he's panicking, and within about 10 seconds, he's enjoying the sweet sensations and an arachno-BJ.

There's a solid 11 minutes left of this that unfold exactly like every porno you've ever seen, only awful. So awful.

Then it ends with her killing him, I guess, so that's a bit different. Don't make me do this again. Don't have an account?

Continue as Guest. Please enter a Username. I agree to the Terms of Service. Dunn, Elizabeth Yost Hammer Psychology Applied to Modern Life: Adjustment in the 21st century.

Retrieved February 26, Comprehensive Textbook of Sexual Medicine. Jaypee Brothers Publishers. Retrieved September 12, Our Sexuality.

Fellatio fuh-LAY-shee-oh is oral stimulation of the penis and scrotum. Sex Slang. Psychology Press.

NHS Choices. Breaking the chain of transmission" PDF. World Health Organization. Retrieved November 26, An Invitation to Health Brief LaRosa New Dimensions in Women's Health.

Laura M. Carpenter NYU Press. Retrieved October 9, Cohen Retrieved October 8, Most people agree that we maintain virginity as long as we refrain from sexual vaginal intercourse.

But occasionally we hear people speak of 'technical virginity' [ Brady; Bonnie L. Halpern-Felsher Like a Virgin. The Advocate.

Here Publishing. Retrieved Savage Love , page Plume Grandma's Sex Handbook. Intimate Press, USA. Retrieved January 7, The situation contained in the phantasy, that a vulture opened the mouth of the child and forcefully belabored it with its tail, corresponds to the idea of fellatio, a sexual act in which the member is placed into the mouth of the woman.

UW-Madison Medical school. Archived from the original on March 6, Princeton University. Retrieved December 6, Pratt CRC Press.

Retrieved August 21, Sex and Society, Volume 1. Marshall Cavendish Corporation. June Archived from the original PDF on May 10, Retrieved August 30, BBC News.

Journal of Reproductive Immunology. Retrieved August 24, The social construction of 'sex' as vaginal intercourse affects how other forms of sexual activity are evaluated as sexually satisfying or arousing; in some cases whether an activity is seen as a sexual act at all.

For example, unless a woman has been penetrated by a man's penis she is still technically a virgin even if she has had lots of sexual experience.

USA Today. The Star. March 1, Archived from the original on June 22, Retrieved December 9, On Holding the Lingam in the Mouth by Kamashastra".

The Badger Herald. Translated by Gao, Bingzhong. Shanghai: Commercial Press. Introduction to Maternity and Pediatric Nursing.

Elsevier Health Sciences. Social Organization of the Manchus: a study of the Manchu clan organization. Ardent Media. Parenting for a Peaceful World.

New Society Publishers. Kleinman; T. Lin Offit Night Thoughts: Reflections of a Sex Therapist. Jason Aronson, Incorporated. Marcus; John J. Francis Masturbation: from infancy to senescence.

International Universities Press. Michele Thompson NUS Press. Handbook of Anxiety: Biological, clinical, and cultural perspectives.

Hosken, David ed. Bibcode : PLoSO Cunnilingus apparently increases duration of copulation in the Indian flying fox, Pteropus giganteus.

An ethogram of captive Livingstone's fruit bats Pteropus livingstonii in a new enclosure at Jersey Wildlife Preservation Trust. Outline of human sexuality.

Gender binary Gender identity Men who have sex with men Sexual identity Sexual orientation Women who have sex with women.

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